If I was writing this traditionally, then you may say over the past few weeks I have had writer’s block. I attempted to explain, in a post last week. My journey recently has taken me on a different path. I used the metaphor of a tree branch. It is not expected for anyone to understand, but myself.
I am not a traditional writer. I am not a traditional blogger. Therefore, I would not experience the traditional writer’s block. When you are reading my words you are reading my journal entries. You are reading an experience of feelings that I may be dealing with. You are reading my emotions. Therefore, in order for me to have those words for you to read I have to have feelings and emotions driving me to make a journal entry.
For some, you may be reading this for entertainment purposes only, but my intentions are far from. I write to heal, using skills and actions I am learning along the way. I am on my crusade to find my tree branch I am to grow with or the path I am meant to travel. You are not meant to understand, but a hope for you to find your own relation to your own life, experiences, feelings and emotions. I have not written in 17 days because, somewhere in between, my own feelings became lost into my own subconscious. My own journey. I could use a negative description and say I am having an emotion block, but it is not negative. It is another lesson. My own soul requiring further research.
In no way, does that mean, I have not been writing. In no way, has my drive lessened. In no way, have I not been creating. It just means that my current path for myself is just on the opposite of the tree to your view. There will be a medium for us both, but I have not quite found it yet, but I am trying.
The only explanation that may resonate is if you have ever been a new anti-depressant. You are in the period of the first 30 days having to fight the side effects as they arise. What usually happens with these medications, when the enzymes start attaching to the receptors of the brain your subconscious starts having an internal battle with your conscious mind. When this occurs, the only normal you find is the automatic functions of the brain. Everything else, GONE! You have no feelings. You have no emotions. There isn’t a desire for anything. You are mush. Might as well be receiving shock therapy while massive amounts of drool seeps from your mouth. You are not able to escape because, in order for western medicine to believe that their chemicals created for profit, are either working or not working, you have to hold out through this insanity for the full 30 days. I am at this period, currently, without the medication. I just am. I am neither here nor there. I am not up or down. I could be going left or right. I am not leaning towards black or white. I am grey.
Again, I don’t expect any understanding, other than within my own self. Again, this is my own journal. I hope when writing it down that it itself would be a feeling or an emotion. I am sitting back observing. I am sitting back learning. I am sitting back and listening. I am good. I invite you to do the same and only then will you find your calm.
CAN YOU RELATE?
The Bee Keeper 