Keeping Me Alive

Trying a new path as I fight through the fog

Learning to navigate with the little light there is

Sensing only that is in front of me

Me-April 24,2020

Keeping me alive, every time I make a conscious choice to better my life. That is how I see this now. It has not mattered how or why I was going through some type of experience, in my life. This is a perception that has only change, as of late. I did not think I was doing it, but I still remained playing a victim of now I see as my journey through life, as I know it.

One aspect, I have never waivered on was faith. I don’t know where it came from. I don’t know how I kept it going or even if I had a miniscule amount of control on it. It just was. The only stability, in what, I would once not long ago refer to as my chaos. The uncontrolled natural disaster I called, my life.

No wonder, my ego and misery stayed where it was at. Look where my focus and attention was. It was always about what I didn’t have. I never once looked at what I did have. I never saw a perspective of preference in an impossible situation.

Keeping me alive, every time I make a conscious choice to better my life

I am so grateful for just now. Nothing more or nothing less, just as is. I can’t look that far into the future any longer because I just blinked and it already changed. It is not about seeing. It is about feeling. Actually, having the emotion. The once aspect I am a professional at. I am referring being a professional “feeler.” I wouldn’t change a fucking thing about it because it allowed me to find love for the world again and most importantly, it allowed me to find that blind faith that I now see guided me to the now.

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