Meditation Day #3
It is a completely unfamiliar feeling I am having right now. My physical self is very clear headed and my brain relaxed. When I say relaxed I mean it is a similar feeling to waking up on a winter’s day, in the mountains and taking that first breath at 7 am, grounding. There is nothing like breathing in the clean mountain air.
I’m assuming I am uncomfortable because there is not the usual chaos I speak so frequently of. I am constantly being told to relax and never really knowing the ease of relaxation.
This meditation did not bring the misunderstanding and confusion of yesterday’s sub conscious trip. I was very much in my own conscious today the entire time. As I write this, I already feel my brow furrowing and my every day routine of constant emotional stress and the fluctuation of my thoughts presenting themselves.
These are the moments mindfulness teaches you to recognize and to return to a place of supreme energy. As I write this, I recognize how I am writing. The detail. The wording. Is this me being my true self? I am still fighting against what is happening. Breathe.
The energy stayed the entire thirty minutes. I am wondering if my actual physical environment is effecting my subconscious experience because I was not able to use the sun to assist with grounding this overthinking chaos known as me. I am unsure of the results, but I am mindful. I came out cleansed. My conscious came out clean and my sub conscious seems more confused.
I was unable to blank out my thoughts of my real people out during this time. My attention diverted frequently, but the feeling of the energy stayed. I’m feeling like my sub conscious. I am still resisting. I am still aware of what is clear but I am still fighting. Why? I came out being more present , in my actual life and the right aspect of that life actually in control.
My lesson, in order to stop getting, in my own way, I need to trust myself and do the opposite of comfortable. When you are calm, you are clear. Stop creating the chaos and do not bring the attention to the negative because I actually know what I am doing for myself. Your own internal truths are guiding you. You are being guided to act and be exactly who you have always known yourself to be. I found a different self-love today and for that I am thankful. I am also thankful that was able to see in myself an aspect I preach on the daily and never follow to many of you. These are my wins.