She Is Beautiful

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showing that nature is beautiful

She is beautiful

The rhythm of nature
drips to the beat of my heart

The rain has stopped
and a rooster crows

Signaling the light
to once again shine

The air a cool breeze
multiple chimes heard in the distance

Through the flow
She is beautiful

the nature I speak of
a gift from mother earth

Signaling the change
in the tide, in the energy
She is alive

She is beautiful

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We Stop Looking Once We Find It

We Stop Looking Once We Find It. Look at me, having accountability :). 2 days, in a row, that is unheard of for me.

Today, on my morning coffee talk, I told my usual dad joke after saying, “I have nothing profound to say.” Ironically, the joke itself became what was actually my words of wisdom for the day.

The joke was as follows: “Why is it when we are looking for something that it is always in the last place we look? The answer is because we stop looking once we find it.”

So apply that to life is to realize when you stop searching the answer will come. To be at peace with whatever is meant to be for you will simply find you.

Evan I am writing these words, I received a phone call and was needing to look for something. It was in the last pile of paper I needed to touch, on the bottom. The answer was once again when I stopped looking. Okay spirit, I am listening. We stop looking once we find it.

That in itself being my words of wisdom for you, today.

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I Feel A Shift In My Own Energies

I feel a shift in my own energies. To be at peace, with a sense of trust that everything is exactly as it should be.

It is a soul growth that you are creating within yourself that brings the wave that is easy to hop on top of. It is really difficult to ignore the good that was once impossible to find for weeks.

If someone were to ask, at this current moment, I would say exactly how every new day has been going for me. I can not complain. Every day a new energy. That is not me saying that there isn’t room for more gratefulness and growth. You may learn something new every day, if you just try. Or if you become more than you were, yesterday. It just means, I accept and trust everything, as it is not as I expect it to be.

That is what it is all about, right? Living in the now. Accepting responsibility for your choices and deciding if you liked the last result or not and doing the opposite the next.

You always have free will with everything choice you make on your path. You must learn to understand, however, with your free will there is no wrong or right. It just is. How we react is what actually determines the result.

Growth, taking on a new meaning. There is not a high or low, it just is. We think peace means being calm when, in reality, at peace means to be in balance with yourself.

Every thing just being. It is up to you to determine what that means to you and your journey.

I feel a shift in my own energies

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Every Action Has A Reaction

A representation of the soul

I do not know how I have expected to have a successful blog if I do not write on it.

On your journey, you reach a point where you are done with any negative thoughts, negative people, etc. You have no room or space for what no longer aligns with your own frequency of life. When I decided to write this blog, my full intention was to write whatever was on my mind. It was to expose my internal thoughts and feelings, at every moment. I really thought I was going to be able to self-sustain this type of writing. However we evolve, but just as each of us grow each day, so does our mental health and we grow through our journey.

It no longer matters how I got to this point, as I thought was imperative. If I was to focus on the action instead of the reaction, then it would have me sit in the negativity. I am no longer this person. My soul has evolved with my growth. I am at no longer the person I once was. I do notice with certain people I still go back to that person to act accordingly, but the effect that it has on me internally has changed. My reaction has changed to the action.

Every Action Has A Reaction

This does not mean I do not sit, in the past. There are points, you have to do the work and sit, in the dark, in order to truly heal yourself. The many coping mechanisms to ignore the problems that are no longer of value. I do not need to just survive, I need to grow. We grow every day because every day is just temporary, in a stage of life. It is our own responsibility how we deal with the temporary daily life. This is the reason it is so imperative to live in the now to attract what you truly want for all of the times in life.

This is not me saying you are not allowed to feel the emotion. It is changing your mentality about the emotion. It is not feeling sad and just being sad. The question to yourself becomes why are you sad and not that you are sad. If you are feeling a certain type of way, in the moment, I challenge you to ask yourself why you are feeling this way.

We have experiences and individuals that shape our reaction to life each day. However, those experiences and individuals are not the one responsible for the reactions. They are only the actions. Every action needs a reaction and it is our own responsibility that is the reaction, itself.

These experiences or individuals are not you. They are not your thoughts. Self worth is your own reaction. It is time to accept responsibility for yourself. It is time for me to react to what is presented. I know the truth, my own truth. However, I have been allowing the temporary to control my permanent. Today, I am taking responsibility and reacting in the way that works for who I am now and not who I once was. My soul has evolved and it is time to act like it.

It is time to introduce the new me to the world.

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Darkest Before the Dawn

It’s always the darkest before the dawn. https://soundcloud.com/tara-hines/come-back-home-petey-martin-lauren-daigle-remix

It’s Always the Darkest Before the Dawn

It’s always the darkest before the dawn. How fitting. For a little over a year now, I have been sitting, in a period of my darkest struggles.

I began this journey with an instinctual feeling of needing major change, to my life. Knowing, I had spent a lifetime, figuratively speaking, knowing I had not yet lived. An, opinion only of my own.

I lived a pessimistic mindset, in my past. A mindset that controlled my decisions. I had felt I had deserved all the traumas, I have experienced and don’t talk about. A balancing of karmas, so to speak. Little did I know how true that sentence, actually was. How much power it carried.

In the past, it was me sarcastically explaining the negative experiences, I had endured. Laughing them off, and not healing them. A behavior I use, as a coping mechanism, for the awkward moments, in life. The moments when I feel most uncomfortable. When I am completely exposed. The moments of being vulnerable.

Going back to the past year and a half-ish, I mean, I have been stuck or stagnant. I was blocked. I had a tremendous amounts of experiences than I ever felt I could handle. It happened so quickly. You know, those vulnerable moments I was explaining? The majority “not so fucking great!” However, it is the perspective of my pessimistic ego.

The minority, is from my perspective, of NOW, in the present moment. From the present moment, I have the most abundance I have ever had, in my entire life. I have thrived beyond measures, mentally and emotionally. Because of one choice, one decision, and one blink of the eye.

I chose to trust, all that was presented. Those lessons, I referred to last post. A change to perspective. The major change I felt I needed for years. It really is that simple, but this is my journey. Yes, you have the same choice, but your journey and experiences will be different.

I would do it, over and over again, if it meant to once again feel internal peace. My soul remembered. To feel what I do, right now, I would do it over and over again. All of the lessons were the abundance I am receiving. I have gratitude, for the bee. I found the dawn after the dark because “it’s always the darkest before the dawn.”

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It’s About the Frequency Because the Vibration Can Be Altered

To sit in the negative, to feel in the negative and to live in the negative, is to attract the negative. Every day is a new day. Each day is a choice. Every day is a vibration and your soul a frequency.

As much as it is science that guides our daily lives, with the patterns of the sun rising and setting, the moon rising and setting is also a pattern. A daily pattern governing our life path, in a place we are currently existing. A day of the earth’s rotation being different from yesterday and will present differently, tomorrow. A perception changing with a path or a pattern.

Every day before our eyes close, we have an opportunity to look within and decide which lessons from the day we are going to take with us into our sleep. A focus on the negative or positive from the day, determines the relationship between good and bad. It is neither or nor. For every event that occurs during your “day,” it is meant to align from a teaching from the day. A lesson.

“You create your lesson plan for the day by the way you choose to react.”

It is not that we are happy or sad; or angry or content. It is the why does this make you happy, sad, angry or content. It is the processing of the lesson, that determines your growth on a daily basis. You will not always make the “right,” choice. Your goal is to choose the choice that aligns with your vibration, so that you still learn the lesson, as intended. A shift in perception, but only on a daily basis. The smaller step to the bigger picture.

Life, is the scientific method. Every thought and emotion, a part of the hypothesis of our life’s vibration. That vibration, being our truth. Our truth, at this exact moment of our journey, to find our facts. Without science, we would not learn. Without making different choices, we can not grow.

We can not see that the grass is greener than yesterday, if we do not go outside to look at the grass today. Otherwise, it would be only an assumption, a hypothetical analysis, of an event that never occurred. It never occurred because we only assumed what was real instead of seeing it for ourselves and stepping outside the box to see a different perspective.

Every human experiences loss. You are not unique because your heart has been broken. Insecurities cloud our minds, as quickly as, a shower washes away the grim from the previous day. A mistake happening, as frequently as we take a breath. It is how you choose to determine your choices and truths, right now. We are not unique to the lessons we go through. We are, however, unique in how we handle our daily lessons.

Each and every one of us has our own journey. The sooner you realize it not your responsibility to alter someone else’s journey, the better off you will be. Someone will either vibrate with you or not. It is important to know this will change every single day. You can vibrate with someone yesterday and today it will be the opposite. It is up to you and you only, if the changes of the vibrations are meant for your frequency. People are meant to come and go, as vibrational beings. Not every one is meant to stay at your frequency.

Just as you pluck a guitar string with the intention of playing a certain note. It is possible to play the same note for it is a part of a song, but it is impossible for the exact same placement of your fingers each time to hit that note, every time you pluck the string. However, that does not stop you from playing the note and trying. It’s an altered perception.

So why would the same not be applicable to life?

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You Have To See the Light From the Dark

I see the light from the dark, every day. I would never believe I’d be telling you about how comfortable I am with being 40. An age that has plagued me since childhood, for decades. The ultimate end point. The make it or break it moment, in your life. The true “grown up” age.

Oh I grew up, alright! I grew up to remember who the fuck I am. That whole self-love aspect, we are so easily able to forget. We spend our lifetime, begging to remember. We hope to not care at a level where our hearts no longer hurt and the tears no longer fall from our eyes.

The healing point where you no longer give a fuck because you have to see the light from the dark.

You step into your power. The memory of the queen and the goddess, you’ve always have been. Who you truly are is now the reflection you see staring back at you, each and every day.

I am repeating the same message, over and over, because just like an affirmation, it has to be repeated to be felt. It is the practice and the work you put into how badly you want to see life and exactly that.

The abundance of life is seeing what you have now and the beauty that each of our souls exude. It depends on how badly you want to fight! You have to practice. The work is endless and a struggle each and every day. Practice when you can, so that the difficult is now apparent.

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Another Day…. Another Time

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Another day and another time. There is this lesson and breaking of a cycle, I am struggling with. I have finally grown from a co-dependent aspect of life. This applies to the friendships, situationships, relationships or even acquaintances. Their value of me is irrelevant.

Since recently deciding I was going to be open to trying relationship new reality has come to light, in the dating scene, in your 30’s and above.

I started this blog writing about the Bi-Partisan Civil War we have been living through. Nothing has changed. New race wars have begun, but the government’s focus has changed to creating a war within a pandemic. A different focus, same issue because our country is our example, as a society.

We already deal with so many labels. Why are we now interested in creating more labels for ourselves? Is it not the point to remember our own self-love? Read that again, not fine our self-love, to remember. We are meant to create our own self-identity and be accepting. We are not meant to “love,” someone else’s perception of us, but we put such a high value on such. A perception, that becomes so strong. So strong, that someone else can put a “label,” on what you may be able to identify with about “you.”

For whatever reason, I am scaring away even new potential friendships with my energy and who I am. However, I will not sacrifice me. Especially, for the willingness of someone’s want to be, in my life. My perception, every one of us has our own journey.

“What we see as “damaged,” about us is still only a perception.” There is always another day and another time.

-me-

A perception can be altered and there is always room for growth. Another day and another time.

The damaged and most vulnerable are who I feel I am attracting with my magnet of energy, at the moment. I always have. “Who I am,” is now scaring them way even, as friends. I do not want to fix you. Your worth is important for you to see. I want to help you alter your perception of yourself. So hopefully, you too can grow and heal. I have spent lifetime living this same perception.

Stop running..

advice for my own ego and to you.

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You’re Somebody Else

I am looking on the journal page, next to the one I am currently putting my pen to realizing I am somebody else. The last time I wrote in my journal, was February 26, 2021. I sought out other outlets that served the same purpose, for reasons unknown. Since, I have made blog posts. I was just not documenting them.

When you are going through your spiritual awakening, everything is ironic. There were once days, that plagued my over-thinking thoughts patterns of guilt. It was a feeling of constant guilt that I was obligated to do everything. You learn that you are never obligated to do anything. It is a change that without notice, that occurs. The reason you stop paying attention. It could also be a change of perspective.

This day was very significant this time last year. A lesson that was not confirmed until I am sitting ere listening to Flora Cash’s “You’re Somebody Else.” The lyrics repeating just like every other pattern presented, in life itself.

Flora Cash-You’re Somebody Else

Well you look like yourself, but you’re somebody else… Only it ain’t on the surface. Well you talk like yourself. No, I hear someone else though…Now, you’re making me nervous…

Lyrics from Flora Cash “You’re Somebody Else”

It reminds me that I never believed I would ever lose my obsession and codependency on someone else. This is my fault. I refused to learn the codependency lesson. I carried this lesson onto the next chapter. It was apparent into the next closest thing I had to a relationship since my divorce. Oh, but I have grown since. You best believe. I have been absolutely alone for a very long time now. Thank god!

Those lyrics I just wrote down can also be a representation, of my growth. It does not have to be a song about heartache. A lesson learned in itself. I am definitely no longer co-dependent for someone to show me of my worth. I am proud of me!

Flora Cash- You’re Somebody Else. Check out my YouTube here…
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I Wish To Be “Big”

The moon lying within the clouds

Here we are the eve of my 40th birthday. “This Woman’s Work, ” is playing in my headphones reminding me how good of a movie Love and Basketball was. I digress. Honestly, I feel like I am little Josh Baskin’s at the Zoltar machine about to make my wish. I spent the day reflecting on the past 10 years of my life. It has been rough, but the thirties were good to me and I am incredibly grateful for the lessons.

I have healed.

Now, it is the eve of my birthday and the New Moon is in Cancer. New moons are about new beginnings and manifestation. So I prepared my moon water. I wrote on my white piece of paper my manifestations. I only had one. Seems fitting that the moon energy is about wishes coming true and it is time to blow out my candles….

I Wish To Be “Big”

Follow up:

In a way, my wish to be big did come true. It is true what they say. That once you turn 40, you stop giving fucks. I chose to no longer “give a fuck.” It has a sense of peace that I am not used to feeling. From the beginning, I have spoke of riding the wave. At each stage of this journey, I have failed to truly learn the lesson of riding the wave. I have realized that somehow I have still been following the cliché of “faking it until I make it.” This is not allowing healing. It is not allowing me to forgive myself for playing a victim for way too long, in my life. It is about time I have learned this lesson.

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