Meditation Day #4
The fact that I can’t adjust that size, of that playlist, is really irrelevant to what I am writing today, but it is an annoyance I am feeling, at the moment.
I’m pausing before I write to you. I don’t know why. I was hoping it would reveal itself, a we write further, the reason I mean. It never did, but that is okay. I am paying attention to how my mind feels after this meditation. It is comparable to the grogginess after taking some type of pain killer and trying to stay awake. It exists only within the soft tissue of my brain. I pause to roll some therapy to ease my mind
I had an unintentional warm up to my meditation, today. I still did my 10 minute warm up, but “something,” occurred prior. A driver, intuition, a shift, by my playlist was on random. I have a few different playlists I use for the times I feel smothered and am unable to breath. One cleanses the chakras and the other consists of Green and White Tara Mantras, essentially. I am over-explaining, per usual. You understood the first time I had said it.
“Green Tara Mantra,” came on. Until I just made that hyperlink just now I did not realize who was performing this particular song. You will need to click the link to see what I am referring to. Also, let’s me know you are reading this 😉
I knew I was supposed to meditate, at this exact moment.
I can only assume it is because I set the intention, in Story #2, yesterday. That intention is that I should release these crazy words you are reading, on a schedule. Who makes thoughts come on a schedule? I can not, well at least I thought I was unable to.
I felt the frequency of Green Tara Mantra. I immediately took a deep breath. I paused my game of life and turned Headspace on to do my 10 minute warm up.
The only way to describe what i was feeling, is this. I had a feeling in my frontal lobe. The frequency vibrated on with the chanting heard in the background. If you ever have had migraines or tension headaches you will know what I referring to next. The feeling of your brain swelling against your skull and only increasing, at the same speed of the breath you pushed into a balloon you are trying to fill. The feeling of fullness. No more remaining space can be filled. Will your skull break under the pressure? Or will your brain “POP!!!, ” like said balloon if you blew too hard. Clearly, I was driven to meditate.
Imagine my disappointment to find that other than the song that kick started my feeling, on a mission to meditate, nothing stood out in the twenty one day meditation. No crazy. No images. No focus to my conscious mind.
Today is about positive, so what I was thankful for during this experience was it is getting easier in life and the weight on my shoulders lighter. The calm is staying without force. I am able to STOP and think without coming up with fifty different scenarios due to my overthinking and 49 problems ain’t one. “Enjoyment,” that is one word I would use, if asked. I appreciate this. It means there is less negative driving my only existence. It is uncomfortable, but I am trying.
In closing, I write those last two words and the the page rips out of my journal. Obviously, that wasn’t what I was going to say. (Sign?) As I was meditating I got two different sensations. This may be the reason I felt the lack of focus. I got the same sensations, as if the bee, once again, landed on me buzzing to my vibration. However, its only thirty seven degrees outside. The morning dawned with a dense fog, much like my brain experienced prior. It will rain and snow once again closing us inside for a day then returning to the sunshine that gives strength, in these times. I was not able to meditate outside.
So then why did the bee land on me once again……