Every Action Has A Reaction

representation of my soul
A representation of the soul

I do not know how I have expected to have a successful blog if I do not write on it.

On your journey, you reach a point where you are done with any negative thoughts, negative people, etc. You have no room or space for what no longer aligns with your own frequency of life. When I decided to write this blog, my full intention was to write whatever was on my mind. It was to expose my internal thoughts and feelings, at every moment. I really thought I was going to be able to self-sustain this type of writing. However we evolve, but just as each of us grow each day, so does our mental health and we grow through our journey.

It no longer matters how I got to this point, as I thought was imperative. If I was to focus on the action instead of the reaction, then it would have me sit in the negativity. I am no longer this person. My soul has evolved with my growth. I am at no longer the person I once was. I do notice with certain people I still go back to that person to act accordingly, but the effect that it has on me internally has changed. My reaction has changed to the action.

Every Action Has A Reaction

This does not mean I do not sit, in the past. There are points, you have to do the work and sit, in the dark, in order to truly heal yourself. The many coping mechanisms to ignore the problems that are no longer of value. I do not need to just survive, I need to grow. We grow every day because every day is just temporary, in a stage of life. It is our own responsibility how we deal with the temporary daily life. This is the reason it is so imperative to live in the now to attract what you truly want for all of the times in life.

This is not me saying you are not allowed to feel the emotion. It is changing your mentality about the emotion. It is not feeling sad and just being sad. The question to yourself becomes why are you sad and not that you are sad. If you are feeling a certain type of way, in the moment, I challenge you to ask yourself why you are feeling this way.

We have experiences and individuals that shape our reaction to life each day. However, those experiences and individuals are not the one responsible for the reactions. They are only the actions. Every action needs a reaction and it is our own responsibility that is the reaction, itself.

These experiences or individuals are not you. They are not your thoughts. Self worth is your own reaction. It is time to accept responsibility for yourself. It is time for me to react to what is presented. I know the truth, my own truth. However, I have been allowing the temporary to control my permanent. Today, I am taking responsibility and reacting in the way that works for who I am now and not who I once was. My soul has evolved and it is time to act like it.

It is time to introduce the new me to the world.

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My Absence Is the “Meaning Of Life”

Meaning of Life

I am having a realization. The answer to the “meaning of life,” can only be defined by philosophy. This is why the answer to this question, creates the chaotic pattern of overthinking.

The answer to life, can not be defined, for everyone. Our ego can bring an answer by making a choice and not by what science would theorize. We are looking at the wrong science for the answer. A pattern or cycle is the reason we do this. A pattern or cycle we chose for ourselves.

The answer is personal. What you make of it is the definition of life, itself. You create your own answer. The meaning of life is your own journey.

Here I am, one year later, still talking about journeys and patterns. The same journeys and patterns controlled by your own overthinking. Causing the chaos you so desperately want a release from. The difference for me, in the present, is my emotion towards it all that is defined by my own…

Meaning of Life

The said definition of life can not be absolute, as we are conditioned to think or taught. The reason is we are the creator, through a journey determined by free will. Our own free will.

The peace, we all seek or; the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow we are determined to prove that the grass is greener on the other side, is simply the “meaning of life.” Your meaning of life, your journey.

It is what it is…

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Let It Be. The Tower Moment I Learned To Accept

As I felt, the months went on and eventually became funny

Here I am writing, once again, in the last few pages of my, “Notebook.” The notebook that started this all. There is roughly two weeks left in 2020 and individually it has been a historic year for each and every one of us. That is one aspect, there is no room for argument. I sit here, high and laughing at the cover of my journal that you see above.

As Covid-19 happened, as my my life changed. As quarantine happened, so did the big events that I experienced, in 2020. I documented those experiences for you each month. It eventually became WTF 2020! My own indication of all of your experiences, throughout the year.

My habits changed with the seasons, as I learned more and more about, “My Secret.”

As the energy changed, in the universe, so did all the Shadow work I was to endure. The mirror image of myself I needed to face and accept. I began this year telling you that it was just me deciding to act with 100 percent honesty and integrity. It has now evolved. What it is and continues to be, is so much more.

I was hard on myself for taking breaks with writing. However, I never stopped writing. Just because it was not, in this journal, or typed through this blog does not mean I was not writing. I was writing to you on social media, at times. I never stopped sharing my truths with you. A lesson in self-acceptance. What did change was my methods of expression as I learned from the lessons in my life that I have allowed to drown my soul for way too long.

As of late, my method of expression has been through my music. I have been sharing my love and passion for music. Whether it is a great work playlist to make my homies dance and feel my vibe. It is also the song, Let It Be that I mixed from the Across the Universe soundtrack. It took me back to the church, on base, that got me through the mind fuck I was experiencing, at the moment. It soothed a part of my soul. I have shared my version below.

The same soul that you have been witnessed going crazy and fully chaos. It is the same soul writing to you now. My entire spiritual journey, you have witnessed. If you were to go back and read my blog from the beginning to this post, I am writing currently. You would read it, as I intended. You will then see. If you take a peek, at any of my social media, you would hear my writing, instead of reading it. You have witnessed this journey, through every single song I have shared with you and why I listened to Justin Bieber’s “Forever,” 342 times this year. There was all my good mornings and sharing of how much I was actually walking. All of this, a method of making a choice to alter my own patterns.

Every word, action, sharing of, my advice were all methods of sharing my journey with you. It was me living, my life, exactly how I have wanted it to be. Manifesting my dreams into action just by intention of the vibe I give to all of you. I used the Secret, in front of your eyes. I practiced and provided a tool to add to your own tool belt of spiritual “Mmm,” shown to you.

Like the lotus I paid attention and something magical started to happen. My secret start to influence many. Many of you, joining me, in my ocean of spiritual growth. It has been beautiful to watch so many of you to finally see a glimpse of light within yourselves, for the first time, in so long. Many of you started to blossom out of the muddy waters, as the lotus does.

Your strength is noticed. Your growth and your beauty, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE is also noticed. Thank you for riding my wave with me.

It is time. I am ready. It is now my new beginning. It is time to evolve together.

I AM SO INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL FOR MY JOURNEY #blessedAF

An Emotion Can Be Altered, But How It Is Perceived Can Never Be Changed

When I am cut off emotionally, from someone, my heart feels a hurt that can not be described. You can stop loving me and it would have less of an effect than cutting me off emotionally. This is what causes the tears to flow from my eyes, as a different sense of aloneness sets in. My worth becomes challenged and my purpose doubted.

“Heal you. Therefore, your energy can assist those with who need healing inside with their emotions.”

Someone’s emotional separation from an empath is a silent but deadly killer. It is not actions not being backed up. It is not a codependency developed by a need to care. It is not giving me a reason to care. It is no longer what the next reaction may or may not be.

My is love is unconditional. My compassion exceeds a need for emotional stability. I thrive, on the feelings, of looking at someone’s soul through their eyes of outwardly reflection.

Hate can be overturned by love. Selfishness cured by giving. A sadness overlooked by a smile that brings happiness. As an individual emotion, all is balanced. Emotions, as a collective whole can not be replaced. Therefore, one’s emotional well-being is determined by the individual emotions that are only temporary.

“Why not change the whole, by the little steps. Instead of, looking at the staircase, as unreachable?”

These are my messages for whomever needs to hear them and my thoughts, in the present.

Everything takes work because everything takes practice

“In Your Eyes,” I Feel What You Feel

Staring into someone else’s eyes will allow you to feel the emotions they are not saying. It is a journey into their soul that guides us to better understand when you have nothing to say. Not everyone has the ability to speak emotions, so take the time to read when the silence is all you have.

I have been making new mixes daily. Here is the latest. Please feel free to comment below and let me know what you think.

Original Song : In Your Eyes by Nora En Pure

Now by mixing the original’s song layer, on top of itself, the whole vibe of the song can change. Here is my mix, as well as the downloadable MP3.

In Your Eyes T’s Remix. Video mix of the two layers

I appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to see the world through my emotions and eyes. I appreciate you and am grateful for you!

Unsteady

We all become a little unbalanced within our soul.

I feel like I always do this. I go and go, pushing all of me to a limit I never want to be at. This action causes a burnout internally similar to a sugar rush or a caffeine high and the comedown. The “comedown,” synonymous with the drugs and loss of a high.

The balance within myself is what I am questioning. With every activity, I gain interest in, I get that high then I give up. I no longer feel I have to put in the work to maintain the “high.” Just like with everything else and as cliche as it sounds, all you have to do is try. Trying is the maintenance necessary to keep rising up. It is the release of stagnancy most of us live with because of routine. A fear of change.

For me, there has not been the routine. There has not been the patterns that my small mind thrives on. I am lacking discipline. I am lacking the try. I have not figured it out so I am just going to write it out. Maybe you can relate? Maybe your words will be the answer to show my ego that it is time to take ownership of my own feelings.

Time To Recognize “the Hype,” The Lesson

The amount of lessons coming at me all at once have been overwhelming. They have been tests. Prior, I would call them the chaos or the inner workings of my own mind. Now, they are just lessons. I also normally would have test anxiety on paper, so why would lessons or tests be any different than reflections of our my own failures? However, I still have the choice of how I react to these inner failures. I mean lessons

I know I have grown immensely over the months. Though I know I am not still there. Wherever “there,” may be. These lessons become reality more often than not, but I still have a choice whether I see them as failures or as the lessons they are meant to be.

This shadow work I speak of often is such a less in itself. The lesson learned has changed. Before, it was about facing my faults and wrong doings. A place that made me feel, on top of the world because of what I had to do to get through these moments and my shortcomings. I was proud I had the balls to even make the necessary apologies or face all the negative I was omitting as a human. It was just a false security. I say that because I can talk about it and admit it out loud, but until actually facing the situation in life and not just as thoughts it is just words. It was just another trick of the mind.

I am not failing myself, is the difference. I am still placing blame where it belongs and owning where and when I am wrong. I am recognizing. I become familiar with the patterns.

The lesson is recognition. If you have the recognition, you have the ability to make a choice on how you handle your life during good or the bad times. Recognition is huge and you should be proud that you are able to look inside enough to realize you do not have to constantly live in a negative head space, especially when you think there is no hope. We all have difficult days. We will always have difficult days. Sometimes we need people to just ask how we are. Sometimes, we just need someone to listen without giving advice. Sometimes, we need drugs and alcohol to get through said times. Sometimes, we just need to be alone.

No one will be able to provide you with the right answers. They can offer a direction, but we as humans have free will and life by free will. Only you will know what is your right. That is the recognition in itself. So do me a favor, trust yourself. You do not have to trust anyone else, but you have no reason not to trust yourself. Your actions may have harmed someone else, but you did not break your own trust. Please recognize it is okay to not be okay.

Take the time to reward yourself. Most importantly, reward yourself for the little things. Reward yourself for who you are. Stop making excuses for yourself and recognize when are being shitty to yourself. Why talk down to yourself? What an asinine thing to do and just keeps you in the exact place you fight so hard every day to get out of. Rewarding yourself will bring a smile to your face when it seems impossible to be happy. I believe in you!

Today is today. Each hour is just that, an hour. Each second just a second. Yesterday is yesterday. The future is exactly that, but right now is what matters and what you can control. Right now is the moment to smile. It is a choice and you the recognition to yourself. Find your own song to make you feel like the badass that you are. Find your hype. You will find more than one song and the next thing you now you will have a playlist to bring that smile to your life. You have a hype list. Here is mine.

A Beautiful Calm

There is a beautiful calm to her
She radiates the sunlight comparable to the reflection of her favorite flower
A scary and intense beautiful calm
this girl is
My heart never able to steady just because of her smile
This girl is dangerous
but she is such a beautiful calm
She is beautiful
She is thoughtful
She is her
And she is my beautiful calm

Mental Health Is Good Too

Me in my element

I once again find myself taking a walk with the lyrics to a song that is driving the movement in my legs. The destination, being nature, that brings a calm to my soul. I sit near the lake’s edge and the tip of the pen, on the paper writing the words my heart and mind.

In the early morning hours, this place, sets the tone of my day. I return multiple times a day, in order to reconnect with myself when it feels smothered by every day life. It becomes a release from the anxieties of my crazed mind and the unease of human kind, in this world.

Lately, I have stopped sharing my light with you thinking, I do not need to continue once life is how it is supposed to be. Another lesson, or fault I’m realizing I need to be more disciplined about. The light has become non-existent to those that may need just the small amount I provide to continue to have hope. I stopped practicing. Just because my life is presenting, as so much good it should not mean my work does not need to continue.

The stigma with mental health is not necessarily seen as positive, but why? There are always opposite sides to the spectrum, in order for the other side to exist. Whether that is good or bad. We see it, as a struggle for one’s own sanity. However, we need sanity to have insanity. Life is about the balance of your own universe.

Life has been so good for me, as of yet. An aspect I preach on the daily because I stopped focusing on what I did not have and realized what I do have and the rest fell into place. My own new found balances contributing to my own happiness. The work that I had put into balancing my own scales. A feeling equal to a melody of a song sitting just right with the beat bringing a smile to your face. The song will eventually end and then it becomes a fight to hold onto the joy you just felt. The answer found within you, as the melody did in the song.

Therefore, in order to continue to have the joy, happiness, comfort and inner peace you can not just stop making your own melodies and expect for life to continue being as it should. I’m thankful for the recognition, so that my own light does not disappear as the sun goes down. I just have to take a different approach to the changes that happen, on the daily. Otherwise, there is the potential my own joy and happiness may once again leave, as quickly as it came in.

I no longer have to balance my life by fighting the demons of my own thoughts. Now, it is all about living with those demons, in conjunction with the joy and happiness. The balance between good and evil.

So, yes, if it takes going on the same walk multiple times a day hours after I just did, then that is what I have to do. Do not discount the power of your own choice to set your mood. If it takes sitting by the lake with nature recording every single thought I have to control my own inner tides then I have to do it without excuses. This allows me to ride the wave. The allows me to enjoy life. This is why life is so good.

Life Is Good

I am just going to say when there is not necessarily chaos happening all around you, the motivation to put your thoughts on paper dissipates. Last time we spoke the universe was playing tricks, on my mind. Once again, I felt as if I was slipping back into the uncontrollable void we all have become familiar with. I did not sleep and had not been all week long, tossing and turning throughout the nights with no explanation.

The following day then happened. It started as usual. I went on my morning walk. I listened to my usual hype music, pumping myself up for the day, including posting my daily selfie. However, the week’s shenanigans were wearing on my mind. The thoughts were once again blocking my ability to allow the positivity to flow through me. I probably walked two miles before all of this nonsense subsided.

The more I thought about what was going on the less I was going to have the outcome I desired. I kept focusing on what I was not getting instead of what I could do about it. Hello! What do I preach on the daily? Here I was doing exactly what I know does not work. That is the key, to recognize. I was in control of my moods. I was in control of my attitude. I did not need any special tools to prove what I had already learned multiple times through multiple experiences.

I was able to at least find the positivity needed to go about my day. I was setting the intention for the rest of the day. The moment I did so, “the signs,” that were being shown to me all had answers. I am not going to front and say I was prepared because I was not! They were coming in quickly and there was a lot happening all at the same time. The difference is I was able to recognize what I was actually experiencing.

Now, here we are and just in a week it is like whatever had been happening during the past six months was preparing me for the “now.” Is that not the key word, now? It is not the past and it is not the future. It is the present moment giving you the answers you were once seeking, in the past. It is the present that provides the path for your future.

There really is not much more to say, other than recognize and stop fighting yourself. The only one to blame is you. Until you realize this you will continue to suffer. Just sayin’.

Life is good.