I’m sitting here with the smoke rolling and having a surreal moment…Thinking about snozzberries wtf!?
I am writing to you today, in a moment of the highest vulnerability. “The snozzberries taste like snozzberries,” sums up my own state of mind. A state of mind, I have lived in, most my of life.
I am unable to determine if I am up, down, left, or right. It is undetermined, if I am wrong, or right. I do not know if want to live, or want to die. My emotions could be happy or sad. My sobriety may be questioned or there is the possibility I am just on a binge. Either way, my entire mental health and existence is being challenged.
My own soul a natural disaster.
Is it a hurricane, tornado, earthquake or avalanche? I am aware that I have only lived 1/3 of my life, right? I don’t know. You put numbers and letters together and my brain shuts down. This is a natural disaster, I no longer want to experience. It is time to make moves and change. It’s time to say, “This Is Me!
As long as I am able to remember, my mental health has always been an issue. A struggle, causing the scars and memories left in it’s wake, over different stages of my life. I have played the victim, causing me to evade the issues, at hand. I have been living, in what, I have know to become my darkness. My darkness is a scary place. I often compare it to a scene from Jennifer Lopez’s The Cell.
It is no surprise, you will find me all over the place throughout my thought process. There is a reason to why. You see, I mentioned a heightened vulnerability. I am a healer and I am an empath. I have a laundry list of diagnosis’ that will make you play a guessing game through this walk-about we are experiencing together. Oh come on “it’ll be fun they said!” Seriously, it will be like experiencing an episode of The United States of Tara. Have I mentioned that is me?, Bat Mitzvah, what!? Having fun, yet?
The snozzberries are taking me on a journey
You see, you and I are about to go on a spiritual journey together. We are going to have a little social experiment. Through my crazy, you and I are going to go through my mental health journey. Hopefully, to discover how to love and to operate, as a higher being vibrating at a higher frequency.. Together, we are going to create a soundtrack, but not before starring in the feature film; whilst writing my memoir.
Lastly, If you haven’t noticed the pop culture references, where the fuck is your head at?
If you know me, this is my, “What are you thinking?,” signature. Ironically, there is a rhyme and reason to all of this. However, most of you do not pay attention to the details and I can not stop. Consistently, I am driven to a point of madness. In order for me to not become the Mad Hatter in Wonderland, I am forced to count the patterns over and over again. It is a mean of controlling my internal chaos.
Through this blog, I am using what I believe is my purpose, while influencing many of you to change your own mindsets. Possibly, through learning about my own struggles, you will be able to relate. You will able to feel like you have a safe space. There is the potential you will not have to worry about you, any longer, because you will have found your own means of control.
The snozzberries are the chaos
Potentially, you will find hope through my very own live reality tv episodes referenced through my words. My intention is to be completely 100 vulnerable, with the world and myself. I am on a mission to live my life with integrity and with purpose. I am making the choice to do this, by sharing my own experiences by writing this “snozzberries,” of a blog.
Welcome to the Jungle.
Welcome to my crazy.
Public service announcement:
To any artists/celebrities mentioned in this blog, please do not sue me. I respect your art, whole-heartedly. The credit is all yours, as you shape my life. I do not need a welfare check and I am mentally stable. I am no need of judgement. The beauty about writing about your own experiences, is that the reader can not argue my own perspective and feelings. Stay away internet trolls!!! Asshats! Always remember the snozzberries taste like snozzberries.